Wednesday, March 07, 2007

dark mutterings

Yeah, I'm back. Don't expect coherent statements or anything.

I've decided to post here the mistakes I make everyday, the mistakes that normal people barely notice. But due to the anxiety past down to me through the generations, they plague me until I rid myself of them. So I'm ridding myself of them.

I forgot to put on lotion for the second day in a row. Not on my face; I remembered that. Don't want skin cancer or wrinkles! No, I'm talking about on my body. Since Target didn't have that Aveeno oil that I put on IN the shower, which I always remembered, I have to put lotion on before I get dressed. But I always want to get dressed IMMEDIATELY after showering, because I am cold. So, no lotion today.

I only partially unloaded the dishwasher, and now Younger is going to come home at any second. Will I finish it? I don't know.

I didn't start a load of laundry, or fold the clean stuff.

I didn't straighten up the bathroom.

I think my period should be due. When was it last? I don't know. I have to check. Since Dilf was de-seeded (in theory), I don't look anymore. But what if...? I should really check.

My mom and eldest sister are still in major anxiety mode over my brother, but of course they don't want to deal with that directly (too painful!) they focus like a laser on other things. Like taking a picture of all the kids together in their St. Patrick's Day outfits. When are we going to do it? Did you talk to Dilf? What time does he want to do it? Where should we take it? That, and calling me up at 7:30 a.m. to remind me to dress Elder warmly for school because it was cold out.

Geez, thanks, Mom. I WAS going to break out the summer gear, snow on the ground be damned, but, hey, thanks for reminding me.

What if I am pregnant? I've been taking a lot of meds for colds and such. Perhaps this is all nothing, as it always is.

Younger is upstairs screaming for hot cocoa.


Blogger miss kendra said...

i'm not sure if this is welcome, but might it be more beneficial to just add them to the next day's list, instead of pointing out how you made a mistake? and these aren't mistakes... they're just things that didn't get done.

i'm just afraid that if you focus so much on them as bad things, you will become discouraged.

i am your cheerleader! well, a sitting down cheerleader.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Thank you, Miss Kendra. You're absolutely right. Of course.

But there's a disconnect between my rational brain, that knows these things, and my crazy brain, who marks it as a "mistake" no matter what.

So, I'll leave it here. Like taking out the garbage.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Sis B said...

Ok, the evil voices in my crazy brain do this to me too. I've only recently, sort of, to a very miniscule degree, started to ignore them.

The thing that helped me was when I realized how badly I talked to myself as compared to how I talked to other people... Would I seriously say these things to somebody else?

So I've been trying (and sometimes succeeding) to stop abusing myself. But last night I didn't wipe off the island, floss, wash and moisturize my face. There's other stuff, but that's what comes to mind off the bat.

I've started making a list of five things to celebrate every day. It just started yesterday so I can't tell you if it makes a difference.

Good luck. I know what you're talking about. Seriously.

3:46 AM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

I've never had a St. Patrick's Day outfit.

Wait, can a strange bar-hag's puke be considered an "outfit"? No? I'll leave now.

7:32 PM  

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