Saturday, March 10, 2007

I like periodic bouts of solitude.

I'm not Emily Dickinson, but I can empathize.

I've decided I hate cell phones. I think they should only be able to dial 911 and tow trucks. Is there nowhere to hide from people?

Yes, I can turn it off. I often do. Or just not bring it with me. I do that, too.

But for a few hours at least, I need to be left the fuck alone today, to recharge my batteries. Because for the past week, I've either been with the girlies or shopping. Shopping, where people ask you if you need help and look at you and try to engage you in conversation. NO! Silence! Do not try to talk to me! I want to live in the secret world in my head, the one where I have magical powers and I am relentlessly sexy yet aloof and fight evil! I live by myself and have a beautiful sparse apartment where I can enter my fortress of solitude!

I'll be okay after a few hours alone in my private world. If the cat doesn't try to sit on my lap or ask for food or otherwise intrude upon my thoughts. Begone, Muffin! Unless I need a sidekick for my crime fighting adventures. Then, you have to wear a cape and learn to talk.

6 Comments:

Blogger yournamehere said...

I had given up on this blog, but now I see a few new posts.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for email and/or IM updates whenever you post here.

7:28 PM  
Blogger April said...

i totally understand. i hope you find that secret world you can escape to...we all need it sometimes.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Johnny Pipewrench said...

Hell Queen UBTORIA,
I'LL FIGHT CRIME WITH YOU.
BUT HERE'S THE DEAL...
WE WEAR COOL LEATHER OUTFITS.
BLACK.I WEAR BLACK LEATHER
LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.
I'D BET MY BOTTOM DOLLAR
YOU DO TOO.
WE NEED A COOL CRIME FIGHTING TEAM NAME.
THE FIRST ONE THAT COMES TO MIND
IS THE WRENCH AND THE WENCH..
NO, THAT'S INSULTING TO YOU.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
UBERWRENCH?
DOOM INC.?
I'VE GOT IT. FOR YOU,
AND IT'S A FUCKING GREAT NAME...
BRACE YOURSELF...
SHE EVIL.
LOVE IT!
FUCK, THAT COULD BE A NEW COMIC BOOK.
THE ADVENTURES OF SHE EVIL.
EVERYDAY MOM AND HOUSEWIFE BY DAY,
CRIME FIGHTING,SMOKIN RED HOT
EVIL BITCH BY NIGHT.
YOU LOVE IT, I CAN TELL ALREADY.
YOU'LL MAKE CAT WOMEN LOOK
LIKE A LAMBS FARM REJECT.
YOUR FINGER NAILS WILL BE RAZOR BLADE SHARP.
IN THE MIDDLE OF A GOOD THUG ASS BEATING,
YOU CAN STOP TO TOUCH UP YOUR
BLACK LIP STICK.
HELL, IM GETTING HOT JUST WRITING THIS SHIT.
IF ANY WOMAN CAN PULL THIS OFF,
YOU CAN.
SHE EVIL.RUN WITH IT.

10:28 PM  
Blogger Johnny Pipewrench said...

MY WIFE CAN MAKE SPECIAL GUEST
APPEARANCES...
HER NAME...
THE FUN SMASHER.
SHE CAN DRIVE AROUND WITH, YOU GUESSED IT...
DOUBLE TROUBLE.
THE RUNNING GAG IS THAT WE ALWAY'S BEAT THEM TO ANY GIVEN CRIME
A MINUTE OR TWO SOONER.
THEY HATE US BECAUSE WE GET ALL THE PRESS.
THIS IS A FUCKING MILLION DOLLAR IDEA.
LET'S GO PARTNERS ON THIS 50/50.
Then, we give 50% of our earnings
to help homeless kids.
everybody wins here.
MOST IMPORTANTLY,
I GET TO WEAR LEATHER AGAIN.

10:37 PM  
Blogger josh williams said...

What will help you in all your future endeavors is to visit My Mule pay your $3.00 for A bonafide first edition of Travels With Roscoe, save me my job as promoter and have the US Postal Service deliver you some chuckles. JW

9:12 PM  
Blogger NWJR said...

Recharged batteries always work better.

10:12 AM  

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