Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I'm a big stupid head

I'm not going to my high school reunion.

Why should I?

I've got mental problems I have to overcome, and going someplace that reminds me of my mistakes isn't going to help.

I haven't lived up to what I thought I should be, but what I thought I should be turned out not to be what I am.

And I'm just starting to almost kinda feel comfortable with who I am, as opposed to what I or others thought I should be, so why throw off my balance?

I fed babies with nothing but my own body. Two human beings live now because of me. How cool is that?

I didn't need a masters, and it actually HELPED that I wasn't too skinny. It didn't matter to my babies if I was glamorous or not, or how fancy or unfancy our surroundings. But I am a source of love and comfort. That is enough for me.

If I don't throw myself back into a mindset I held 20 years ago, that is.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Something's going on

I have been having dreams about my ex husband and telephones. Also, that I am being sent back to high school because I never really graduated. But I cut class because I think I DID graduate.

These recurring dreams seem to mean there is something unresolved that I haven't yet dealt with. In my dreams, I neither hate nor love my ex husband, and I'm unsure why I'm still stuck with him. Somehow I still need to talk to him but he's never at his desk. (He's always at work)

The dream always ends, and I shift to other less memorable dreams, when I remember I'm married to Dilf.

I have no idea what's still stuck in my brain.